Blurred Lines

Warning – This post contains mature content and may not be appropriate for all readers. Proceed with caution.

When people think about sexual abuse, they often think of rape and sexual assault. They might even think of incest or molestation. But experts suggest there is more than to sexual abuse than forced sexual activity. There is an emotional element to sexual abuse that can include manipulation, coercion, pressuring, insults, threats and criticisms.

Sexually abusive people often have a particular mindset when it comes to sex. They have rigid views and beliefs that infiltrate their lives and their communication. They feel a sense of entitlement and often place their needs above the needs of others. Many times, someone who is addicted to pornography also is sexually abusive.

Furthermore, sexual abuse often creates shame in the victims. They carry a heavy burden of guilt and a deep-seeded belief that something is wrong with them. As a result, the line between healthy and unhealthy is often blurred. Knowing what is “normal” and what isn’t is very difficult.

If you suspect your partner may be sexually abusive, review the following list. Not all the elements in this list need to be present for the person to be considered sexually abusive. If you see several elements from this list in your partner, contact a counselor, an advocate or a pastor for assistance. Or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1−800−799−SAFE(7233).

An abusive person…

· Objectifies you or other women
· Compliments you sexually but withholds other compliments
· Expresses a sense of entitlement regarding sex especially after a nice date
· Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships
· Encourages or demands that you dress in a certain manner
· Sexualizes every hug, kiss or cuddle (non-sexual touch may be absent)
· Places his wants and needs above yours and accuses you of being selfish if you express dislikes or will not agree to something
· Pouts or sulks when you say “no” to sex
· Ignores your feelings regarding sex including your likes and dislikes
· Insults you sexually or criticizes your sexual abilities
· Calls you sexual names or makes crude, sexual remarks to you or about you
· Threatens to end the relationship if you do not have sex
· Manipulates or coerces you into having sex when you don’t want to (may try to use “guilt trips”)
· Demands that you have sex even when you are sick or tired
· Expects or demands sex after an argument
· Touches you even when you say no or ask him to stop
· Pressures you to act out fantasies
· Forces you to have sex against your will (all forms of rape including marital rape are against the law)
· Forces you to perform sexual acts against your will
· Exposes you to pornography or other inappropriate materials
· Exposes himself to you as a way to get your attention
· Holds you down or is rough during consensual sex
· Hurts you with weapons or objects during sex
· Wants to involve other people in sexual activities with you