Self-Assessment

The following questions deal with your relationship and apply to women who are dating, engaged or married.

If you answer “yes,” even to just one or two of these questions, your partner could be abusing you and you should find help.

• Do you feel nervous around your spouse/partner?

• Do you feel pressured by your spouse/partner when it comes to sex?

• Are you scared of disagreeing with your spouse/partner or of having a different opinion?

• Does your spouse/partner criticize or humiliate you in private or in public settings?

• Does your spouse/partner check up on you by calling a lot or showing up unannounced to work or social settings?

• Does your spouse/partner wrongly accuse you of seeing or flirting with other people?

• Does your spouse/partner tell you that if you change your behavior or attitude then the yelling and/or hitting would stop?

• Does your spouse/partner try to control your schedule including demanding that you spend time together as a couple instead of allowing to honor your responsibilities and commitments?

• Does your spouse/partner's jealousy stop you from spending time with friends or family?

• Does your spouse/partner’s words make you feel like you are wrong, stupid, crazy or inadequate?

• Has your spouse/partner ever hit walls, broken furniture, thrown things, made threats or scared you with violence or threatening behavior in any way?

• Has your spouse/partner ever restrained you or inflicted pain when angry with you?

• Has your spouse/partner ever hurt you physically or made threats to hurt you or your children?

• Has your spouse/partner ever harmed or made threats to harm your pet?

• Does your spouse/partner prevent you from going out with friends and/or family or participating in events that you enjoy doing?

• Are you expected to do things to please your spouse/partner with no regard to your feelings and/or schedule?

• Does your spouse/partner make you feel that nothing you do is good enough?

• Do you feel like you “walk on eggshells” around your spouse/partner?

• Does your spouse/partner’s behavior confuse you – with actions that appear like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?

• Does your spouse/partner threaten suicide if you break up or leave the marriage?

• Does your spouse/partner make excuses for behavior? For example, blaming abusive behavior on alcohol or drugs by saying something like, “I was drunk. You know how I get when I’ve been drinking.”

• Does your spouse/partner minimize hurtful behavior by saying “I was just joking.”

• Does your spouse/partner ever prevent you from leaving a room and/or your house?

• Does your spouse/partner drive recklessly in order to scare you or to make a point?

• Does your spouse/partner make you feel guilty for parenting your children or tending to their needs?

Your situation is critical and you should find help immediately if even one of these statements applies to you:

• You have been or are afraid that your spouse/partner may harm you in some way.

• Your spouse/partner has ever physically hurt you, your children or your pets.

• Your spouse/partner has forced you to have sex – even once.

• Your spouse/partner has punched walls, broken furniture, thrown objects or made threats.

• You “feel” unsafe – physically or emotionally.

• You feel it’s wrong to talk with others about your relationship. Or, you are afraid to talk to others about your relationship for fear of what will happen if you do.

• You find yourself doubting your feelings or your sense of reality and try to convince yourself that the treatment you receive is not that bad or that you are too sensitive.

• You doubt your judgment, perceptions and/or abilities.

• You feel vulnerable and insecure.

• You feel trapped, alone and powerless.