Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The Violent Epidemic

When 22-year-old, University of Virginia student Yeardley Love was found brutally murdered in her apartment earlier this month, the tragedy left the college community stunned and groping for answers. The emerging details surrounding her death were equally troubling. Reports indicated that Love’s former boyfriend George Huguely, also a student at the university, admitted to kicking in her door, shaking her violently and repeatedly hitting her head against the wall.

Now people find themselves asking the question, “How could this have happened?” “What could have been done to prevent it?” Finding answers to these questions will not bring Love back nor will they ease the pain and loss her family and friends are feeling. But, they should serve as a wake-up call for the rest of us. How do we keep this from happening in our communities?

The obvious first step in preventing dating violence is cultivating a deeper and truer understanding of the issues – especially among young people. Teen dating violence is not something that happens to someone else in someone else’s neighborhood. It’s happening everywhere, all around us. It could happen to you or to someone you love.

In fact, according to a recent survey conducted by Liz Claiborne Inc. and the Family Violence Prevention Fund, nearly 1 in 3 teenagers who have been in a relationship report sexual abuse, physical abuse, or threats of physical abuse.

This number is not just a statistic – it's an epidemic! Do you realize that an alarming number of young people will have experienced relationship abuse – and its lasting impact -- in some form before they ever enter college?

So what can we do? We can and should be helping potential victims recognize danger signs in their relationships. Dating abuse is not just about hitting, kicking, slapping and pinching. It often begins more subtly, with acts that often masquerade as “love.” The most common are jealousy, texting or calling excessively and insisting on spending all their time together.

We also should be empowering bystanders with information on where to seek help if they suspect someone is in an abusive relationship. Yes, abuse is an excruciatingly difficult subject to discuss. It’s personal. It’s uncomfortable. It’s difficult to even acknowledge. Yet, Love’s death reinforces the fact that we cannot allow this trend to continue. We cannot be silent when someone we love is being threatened.

Join with me in educating young people about relationships – teach them what makes a relationship healthy and what makes a relationship unhealthy. Guide them to the educational materials and resources listed on this site and others. And do not stand by and do nothing when you suspect abuse. Learn how you can help.