Sometimes people limit the definition of “abuse” to physical abuse. If a person is not hit, punched or beaten, then others don’t believe the relationship is abusive. Unfortunately, there is more to abuse than bumps and bruises. Abuse is an insidious way for one person to exert power over another person. There are many facets to abuse including physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, sexual assault and stalking. Some examples of abusive behaviors include:
- Criticizing or humiliating another in public or in private
- Calling another person names or making degrading comments
- Acting superior or condescending toward another
- Communicating that another person is never good enough or does not measure up
- Checking up on another person (i.e., calling, texting, e-mailing, stopping by unannounced)
- Following another person secretively (i.e., stalking)
- Using intimidation to get a desired result or outcome
- Accusing another person of dating or flirting with other people
- Blaming bad behaviors on another person
- Making excuses, minimizing or denying abusive behavior
- Controlling another person’s schedule including demanding that the two spend time together or requiring another to cancel plans and obligations
- Hitting walls, breaking furniture, throwing things and other phsyically threatening behaviors
- Threatening to inflict harm or kill another person
- Restraining another person
- Inflicting pain on or physical control over another person by striking, hitting, slapping, pinching, pulling, pushing, jabbing, shaking, burning, strangling, etc.
- Harming or threatening to harm pets
- Pressuring, manipulating or coercing another to have sex
- Isolating another by refusing to allow them to see friends and family (i.e., taking away car keys, limiting access to transportation, etc.)
- Witholding money or access to medication
- Blocking another person in a room or vehicle
- Limiting access to employment or harassing another at work (desired outcome is that the person would be fired)
- Placing personal needs above the needs of another by demanding caretaking or sex even when the other is sick
- Threatening suicide or personal harm as a way to “keep” the relationship from ending or to get desired result
- Driving recklessly in order to prove a point or get a desired result
- Insisting on being the center of another’s attention and using guilt when the person cares for others including caring for children and elderly relatives
If you are in a relationship with someone who exhibits any of these behaviors, you are experiencing abuse. Don’t wait for things to get worse. Get help. Contact your pastor, a counselor or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233).
