Bully for You! Talking To kids About Bullying

As the start of the new school year approaches, this is the ideal time for parents to talk with kids about the upcoming school year. Although if you are like me, you will probably touch on topics like getting good grades, making good choices and completing homework on time, but you may want to add one more item to your list – bullying.


While you have no way of knowing for sure whether or not your child will be targeted by a bully, statistics indicate that the chances are highly likely. In fact, research shows that more than half of all children are involved in bullying as a perpetrator, target or both. And many children who are not directly involved witness others being bullied. The point here is that no child is immune to bullying.


But as parents, I believe we have the power to at least reduce bullying, if not stop it. As a result, I have compiled a list of things we can do to make sure our kids not only understand bullying but also are safe at school and in our neighborhoods. Here are the top six things parents can do.






1. Talk! Begin by talking with your child about what constitutes a healthy, respectful relationship and what does not. Although research shows that parents are often the last to know when their child has been bullied or has bullied someone else, you can break that trend by having frequent conversations about your kids’ social lives. Ask open ended questions every day about who they spend time with, what they do at recess, who they have lunch with and what happens on the bus ride or walk to school.


2. Learn! Most children don’t tell anyone – especially adults – that they have been bullied. Moreover, 67 percent of bullying happens when adults are not present. Consequently, you absolutely have to be able to recognize the possible signs that your child is being victimized. Some signs include frequently losing belongings, complaints of headaches and stomachaches, avoiding school activities, wanting to arrive at school very early or very late. Changes in mood, personality, eating habits and hygiene also can be indicators that your child is being targeted. If you see these things in your child, don’t rest until you know what is at the root.


3. Assure them! If your child is being bullied (or have been bullied in the past), make sure they know that they are not to blame and that you are there to help them be safe. Listen to your child without judging.


4. Create healthy habits! Very early in your child’s life, it is important to cultivate an anti-bullying mindset. Aside from teaching your child not to hit, push or tease, they also should learn that name calling, joking (at another’s expense) and criticizing are also forms of bullying. Help your child learn to empathize by asking “how do you think you would feel if it happened to you?” Meanwhile, children need to learn how to say “no” firmly when another child is picking on them. Additionally, empower your child with tools for dealing with bullying, like walking away, telling an adult, ignoring the bully or telling the bully to stop.


5. Instill good witness skills! Research shows that when kids witness bullying the feel powerless and often do not intervene. Equip your kids with ideas on how they can help a person who is being targeted by a bully.


6. Pass it on! Bullying is not a normal part of childhood. Some people will hesitate to act when someone is being bullied because they either want the child to “toughen up” or they believe it is a typical developmental phase. But bullying is not normal. It affects everyone involved including the perpetrator, the target and the witness and the effects often last well into adulthood.


In close, addressing bullying with your kids at a young age helps pave the way for future conversations about dating abuse. It also establishes a mindset early about what is healthy and what isn’t healthy, which in the end could reduce bullying.