Friday, February 4, 2011

Beyond Bruises

The first time physical abuse occurs in a relationship, it can be very confusing. For many, it can appear to have come out of nowhere. In all likelihood, your partner was not physically abusive in the early stages of your relationship. In fact, it is rare for abusive people to assault their partners before beginning a pattern of verbal and emotional abuse.

But, if you examine your relationship, you should be able to identify other aspects of abuse. Most abusers engage in other behaviors that make their partners anxious, fearful or afraid. Physical abuse is only one aspect of domestic abuse.

Physical abuse includes both threats and actions that endanger or harm another person. It also can include threats or actions that harm other people (such as children), pets and/or property. It is important to remember that physical violence and threats of physical violence are crimes. The police have the power and the authority to protect you, your children and your pets – even from a spouse. So seek help if you find yourself in an abusive situation. And remember, physical abuse does not have to leave a mark or a bruise to be physical abuse.

The following list may help you identify physical abuse in your relationship. For instance, you may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has done any of the following:


*Destroyed or damaged your belongings
*Thrown objects, punched walls and/or kicked walls or doors
*Broken furniture or objects
*Pushed or shoved you
*Blocked you in a room, your home or a car; prevented you from leaving
*Squeezed your arm, leg or hand as a way to silence or control you
*Hurt you in some way (examples include, but are not limited to, pinching, pulling, poking, punching, kicking, hitting, biting, burning, slapping, scratching, beating, choking, spitting, restraining and more)
*Abandoned you someplace (i.e., left you in unknown area of town, on the side of the street, at a restaurant, etc)
*Scared you by driving recklessly
*Used a weapon or object to threaten you or to hurt you
*Prevented you from calling the police
*Kept you from seeking medical attention
*Used physical force during sex
*Harmed or threatened to harm your children
*Harmed or threatened to harm your pets
*Threatened to harm you (including giving “the look”)

If you suspect your partner may be physically abusive contact a counselor, an advocate or a pastor for assistance. Or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1−800−799−SAFE (7233). Call 911, if you are in immediate danger.